Friday, June 08, 2007
........conflicts seems to be on a raise nowadays......between mostly me and the clarinet section......i said me because :
(1) It is only me quarreling with them...
(2) I am the only one within the 'so-called' oboe section....
(3) I think its gonna stay that way till a certain few someones will actually listen to what i have to say about this so called 'section'
.........Also......my choice of friends (except for those made in sec 1 first month) are mostly WRONG.........i made a wrong decision to depend upon people who are.....how to say.....superficial.. for starters.........they criticize others for the same mistake they have......pretend to be people they are not....try to act as if they are totally in control.......making me feel as though.. for once... i actually had proper friends.......as in more then juz a fucking small group lesser then 5........
......i made an error in trying to 'bond' with the lower sec......now......i am not respected......they think i am the slackest senior......never have temper that can last for 2 hours......at least at them.......and when i am actually serious....they still think i am joking....
.......i should have listen to my Directs with regards to my juniors...be it direct indirect(does it make a difference here?? i do not have an oboe junior anyways)......be harsh first.....let them know Whose the boss........then slowly let go of the leash..........
.....now i regret so much.......i think i should juz live the remainder of my st. pats' life as an individual......(be a second 'james wong' in a way)..stop going out with these so called 'friends'..who think they are giving me proper respect......which i know doesn't come from the heart.....and you dare expect me to give you respect for the times you did not give me???..... WAKE UP YOUR FUCKING IDEA.........................
.......life really gives you a lot of tough decisions.....like choosing friends(or company).........choosing your spouse.......choosing your career.....
having friends that try to influence your choices........making you see only the point of view that they want you to see.......which is most probably not the best option you have.....thats cause its not what you know is right.....but what they feel is right for you........
I personally find myself surrounded by people who try to do just that.......and i have seen incidents of peoples whose friends help them make their decision....something which i fear will happen to me also.....as for the people who are trying to change me....You all Know who you are......and i know its bad to give names here........so i WANT you to stop it.... stop trying to change to someone very different from what my hearts tells me i am.......Do not make me something like you........I AM NOT YOUR PUPPET........you want a puppet???.......GO to the Carpenters' store and ask him to make one for you to play with....
well......i know i made wrong decisions........but i am now fucking confused.....hope some one...some angel or whatever.....can come and save from falling into this Dark abyss...where i know.. i can never come out of...should i fall in that is
posted by Jackson @
6/08/2007 09:15:00 PM
